Monday, January 30, 2012

The God Delusion

This title was adapted from a book I read some years ago. It is a book I chose to read, with an open mind (as per the advice given). I vaguely recollect some parts of it...

This is my own version of the God delusion.

I sit here in my favourite spot in my entire academic institution, one which some will know as 'mine' in some rights. I've been here every single day for the past week. I also have these amazing friends who meet at specific intervals, just to make sure all 9 of us are sane (we almost feel like a movement). When the check and balance is done and when we're satisfied with the sharing of knowledge, we have our own time. I then retreat to my private cubicle (well not so private anyway - rumour is, I make too much noise with the keyboard, and yes - I can get loud when I meet familiar people..hahaha).

And all week, every time I'm too tired of worrying, I convince myself to blog....but I never get to it.

Today over tea (dinner for me), we shared our reverence for the higher being. Well, at least my guy friends shared about their Thaipusam plans. Whatever they do, I tell you - it ain't sound easy.

And then I took the longest walk today (within our campus) trying to space out. And the whole time - I felt a big part of me reaching out to God; telling Him it is terrible to seek MORE diligently when we are in need.

That's what we all do. Whatever our beliefs.... God takes centre stage when there is a need. A petition. A request. A desire. A point of desperation. At this juncture, I should add a disclaimer: There are no references to any specific religion.

It's just me - sometimes God becomes a delusion when I get self-sufficient. When there is so much of worry or excitement to bask in. I can subconsciously shove him into a tiny little box, and keep Him away. And then, when I really need Him - I do everything; pouty lips, crying, throwing tantrums, whining, bargaining, pleading etc....

I wouldn't acknowledge that I only take him out on a PRN basis. I still seek even when 'not in desperate need'. I pray. I know I'm always telling Him many things (someone says Christians, like drug abusers or the mentally ill, also have hallucinations - except they would have more sympathy for the latter).

*****

Does God then become a delusion at times?

Some say it is for the faint hearted.

Him who has lower self-esteem. Him who is weak and poor. Religion, like many other things, seeks to explain the 'God factor'.


Religion is often looked upon with some scorn. The more intelligent you are, the less scientific religion becomes. It is often viewed as a fallacy, a ray of hope for the weak, an edge for those who profess to be holy, a lie for those with poor defences and a useful excuse for those with ulterior motives.

I am no expert in religion. I have no religion actually/technically; I, like many others, enjoy a relationship. A relationship with God...not ritualistic ways that take a 'form of godliness'.

Can God then be a delusion? Well, if He is - I would be most depressed. Cause there would be nothing much to live for. There will be little meaning or purpose in life, insignificant probably.

Dear Lover of my soul,


I know you're not a delusion. I only wished I better expressed myself in this - I know that there are too many things which happen...and I simply cannot piece it all together and dismiss it as chance. Or a mere co-incidence. It takes greater faith to believe the 'co-incidence' theory, no kidding!


I believe; help my unbelief.

The year is going to get harder by the day (who says it will end soon enough?)


And the years ahead will be tougher.


If You were a delusion, I'd never be where I am today. I'm not sure I'd even want to go on....


Much love,


Pris.

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