Today I very carelessly let out a comment, "I may get borderline grades in the finals" (or at least something said to that effect).
And then I regretted it because I may have been misunderstood.Severely, in fact.
I think the hardest thing about the final 2 months of this phase in life is that you know you're not quite there, though you're almost there. And it just bothers you that the outcome remains uncertain, after everything said and done...
Sometimes it's not the affirmations that we look for. I think I get that plenty.
From your folks who believe that you are so special (and refuse and alternative belief even when I give them disheartening feedback just to invoke a response). And from a few other named individuals....
And other forms of affirmation:
When you do the tasks required of you, submit it duly. When you turn up for work. When you try to do things right. When quite a number of times, there are the happy occasions when you get reasonable, promising, encouraging and even flattering feedback. When you get through each posting without a mere 'satisfactory'. When you know that there are a few who would have a little faith in you...
BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT! It was never the heart of the matter...It is merely a reflection that you are indeed doing something...and probably getting it right most of the time.
Who weighs the condition of the heart? Who could tell if you actually meant everything you said? Who could actually say if everything done, were done to its level best (again, it is not about higher personal expectations)? Who decides what is good enough? Who measures readiness? Are general observations, feedback and grades justifiable parameters?
Who would know if you could handle difficult situations? Or an alternative opinion?
Could I choose to be confident, because I am and I can and I will?
But I tell you, I cannot. I tried it my way and it never worked. I always come back wrestling with the same matters, knowing that no matter what I do, it'll never fit the bill of perfection or satisfaction. I will still come back with the same frustrations (of myself and others). I will still have plenty of inadequacy whatever my academic qualification, whatever my experiences and whatever people say...
At the 24th year of my life, this is what I can say with full confidence:
In Christ alone,
I place my trust,
And find my glory in the power of the cross,
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strength,
My source of hope,
Is Christ alone.....
Even as the Lord has said to us:
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
And then I regretted it because I may have been misunderstood.Severely, in fact.
I think the hardest thing about the final 2 months of this phase in life is that you know you're not quite there, though you're almost there. And it just bothers you that the outcome remains uncertain, after everything said and done...
Sometimes it's not the affirmations that we look for. I think I get that plenty.
From your folks who believe that you are so special (and refuse and alternative belief even when I give them disheartening feedback just to invoke a response). And from a few other named individuals....
And other forms of affirmation:
When you do the tasks required of you, submit it duly. When you turn up for work. When you try to do things right. When quite a number of times, there are the happy occasions when you get reasonable, promising, encouraging and even flattering feedback. When you get through each posting without a mere 'satisfactory'. When you know that there are a few who would have a little faith in you...
BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT! It was never the heart of the matter...It is merely a reflection that you are indeed doing something...and probably getting it right most of the time.
Who weighs the condition of the heart? Who could tell if you actually meant everything you said? Who could actually say if everything done, were done to its level best (again, it is not about higher personal expectations)? Who decides what is good enough? Who measures readiness? Are general observations, feedback and grades justifiable parameters?
Who would know if you could handle difficult situations? Or an alternative opinion?
Could I choose to be confident, because I am and I can and I will?
But I tell you, I cannot. I tried it my way and it never worked. I always come back wrestling with the same matters, knowing that no matter what I do, it'll never fit the bill of perfection or satisfaction. I will still come back with the same frustrations (of myself and others). I will still have plenty of inadequacy whatever my academic qualification, whatever my experiences and whatever people say...
At the 24th year of my life, this is what I can say with full confidence:
In Christ alone,
I place my trust,
And find my glory in the power of the cross,
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strength,
My source of hope,
Is Christ alone.....
Even as the Lord has said to us:
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
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