Dear Teacher....

About two years ago, I decided I should do a short clinical attachment with a senior person, one who is specialized, and have a feel of clinical work. I was only half way through my current academic pursuits and it was close to a 4 month break for most of us. I do not remember the last time I had so much time to myself; usually it was spent planning the next step or worrying if the proposed plans would work.

In good stride, coupled with the encouragement from my parents, I got the paper work done after obtaining the green light from this senior person, who is reputable in his profession.

Day one came and I was scared - I had no idea what the experiences ahead would be like. By day four, I had sent in my letter to withdraw. If I may add, I was only 20. This leaves so much of room to think of what could possibly have occurred over the course of 4 days, for me to reconsider my plans so quickly.

I didn't like my stay because basically some promises were made but my role was largely to assist the clerk at the front desk of the clinic. I have no qualms with that, as I don't think I was anywhere near being qualified to see patients. Though I did think that was the very reason I wanted some 'exposure'.

Day 2 came and it was still the same. Also, there was an added something (as of day one). I was supposed to get accustomed to presumptuous comments made by my then mentor. He was determined to 'break habits', instill in me good virtues lacking in people of the profession, help me be aware of my inadequacies etc. I think he had very good intentions. But an approach I refuse to put a name to.

I had comments like, "I'm sure you have never pushed a wheelchair in your life", "Do you think you're better than the nurses?", "******* these days are all raised in rich homes, they almost do not know the hardship we went through in our pursuit to become who we are" etc. In the mornings, even before a 'hi, hello'!

I think he made a point. On retrospect, I think I did not have the maturity to handle some of this.

I wished he knew the very reason I had an attachment was because I wanted the experience before embarking into clinical school. I wished he knew that I had the option of going for a holiday with friends. I wished he knew that I did not need a certification for my stay and it was purely out of interest. I also wished he knew that I was pursuing an evening attachment elsewhere because I honestly wanted to learn. More importantly, I wished he knew I was not well-to-do. Contrary to popular beliefs, I am largely subsidized by a government loan, and am expected to spend a significant part of my career repaying the debt. And that too, would be a significant part of a menial income. Maybe I wished he also knew that I have pushed more than a wheelchair.

More importantly, I wished he took time to understand. To get to know me. And to work around real deficiencies. If he honestly believed I was a snob in need of a humbling experience, I wouldn't have minded. But he spoke his thoughts from the first day he saw me. I wondered if he did have some extraordinary 'powers', apart from the academic qualification next to his name.

I have seen a repetition of this throughout the years at different levels since. I have understood that it could be part of the 'trade'. I have understood that it is part of the process of toughening us up for the years ahead. I also understood that he was only human, and I could not expect him to employ ways used by Him who created me.

I would still say that I have my doubts on these approaches. They have stayed a bit too long in the profession and perhaps many have gone through it being tougher and better people for the service. I have also observed that many are uncomfortable and there seems to be a lot of 'unwarranted fear' as a result of this approach. Some even shy away from trying, what a pity!

Amidst my reservations, I also think I am thankful that these people genuinely care for the system. I cannot boast of a more superior approach for now. But I also think that there is still a lack of apprenticeship.

I have some questions; can the care of a patient be compartmentalized? Can I say that I care for the patient and so everything else becomes secondary (including demeaning a colleague who was called to be part of the joint partnership? Can I say that showing anger, frustration and some degree of hostility will be the approach towards inspiring higher standards? Could I also say that people are not receptive to gentler approaches anymore because we are hard of hearing? Could I be expected to receive criticism like an adult, perform with the maturity of an adult but not be rendered the respect given to an adult?

I wouldn't know. Only time will tell.

But for now, I am most thankful for Him who understands, who surpasses all my expectations, who constantly stands above all the mortals on earth, who assures me that while I may be forever labelled as a 'lower mortal' by mortals, I am still important to Him, and He will be the guide and teacher when I have found little inspiration from them who profess to teach.

And He will show me and help me understand them. With time. And what I could do to improve myself.

Dear Teacher,

I'm counting on you. I enrolled in Your class a long time ago. I understand that I am your weakest student (no doubt). Not your best choice (I'm sure). But thank you for being more than a teacher. Thank you for being wonderful You!

Pris.

He is before all things, an in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1: 17