Friday, June 21, 2013

Striving with God....

We cannot strive with God forever. There will come a point when we will stop at our tracks, look back at the yesteryears, believe in His love and mercies, and then look ahead....and just surrender! We absolutely cannot strive with God forever. There are some things that are meant to be, and some things that aren't. Some things that we can set our eyes one, and wish that it were ours, but it will never be. There will be plans that we make, only to realize that it is merely a plan. There will be people that we meet, only to realize that we will never be good enough for them. Dear God, I cannot strive with you forever. I lay everything on the altar. We surrender..... In meekness and humility..... Believing that you have nothing but the best in store. Again, I believe. Help my unbelief!

Monday, April 22, 2013

1 year mark.....

I never imagined that this day will come sooner. I listen with interest as some of my junior friends from campus update us on their progress through medical school via Facebook (where everyone knows every other person's business). Exactly one year ago, we were waiting eagerly for our postings, wondering what the days, weeks, months and years ahead will be like. Waiting has always been hard, especially for an impatient person like me. I never imagined experiencing so much of favour and grace over the past one year. Perhaps it is true when they say, "God is able to do exceedingly abundantly, more than that which we think of or imagine...." Not many people would choose the town I have been sent to for housemanship. I can see why now. And I also come face to face with my limitations and weaknesses each day. And yet, I have been able to survive. By luck you may say. But I call it grace. It is my unregistered, second name. And while I may not have my close knit of friends to confide in and share both the good and not-so-good times, I have met a few people. Enough to cherish good times. To have a good meal. To talk. To laugh. To pray with. And to share lives! I look at the year ahead and wince..... I tell You yet again, I am not able. I believe, help my unbelief!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Children of Cambodia..........

Early this year, somewhere in between graduation and work, I spent a brief time away in Cambodia. It was rather impromptu. I quickly agreed when our HCF colleagues had extended the invitation to my friend and I to be part of a healthcare conference. Our stay was pleasant, to say the least. We loved the city and the people. We hope we left some footprints behind. And we left soon after, with some priceless gifts. Christy and I helped ourselves to a variety of books, while waiting departure. And I must say that there 3 books I bought kept me occupied in the weeks prior to my working life. And it did do more than that; it brought me back in time to a moment in history I never really knew of. Quite surely, it opened my eyes to a simpler and more fragile world. **** As swiftly as the year has begun, I see its end in a matter of weeks. I have spent a reasonable amount of time considering the next phase in life. I have plans and vague ideas with no definite decisions. As always, I often forget to live in the present. I am unnerved by the many opinions of a 'bleak future'. Quite simultaneously, I am least interested by proposals of a better future and pursuits of greener pastures in a different land. Sometimes I allow myself little time to think, busying myself with work and every other commitment that takes center stage. Sometimes there isn't time to think or consider the many options in life. But today, I remember the children of Cambodia. I remember their pain and their fight for survival. I remember their determination to live. I remember their hopes for a better future. Sometimes we need the will and strength of child, to move on. To remain hopeful. To dream and to stay happy.... And tomorrow, is another day....

Sunday, June 10, 2012


I've loved speed. Come on, I'm the Schumi-tifosi, fan! I want things fast, I try to be fast. I usually waste little time. I used to think it a crime to stop for coffee/toilet breaks on the highway. Especially when I'm alone. Maybe that gives me the label of being a busy-bee... But as much as people will say, "Speed kills", I tell you; "Slowness kills!" But I never imagined this sort of speed....the turn of events at this present moment of my life is almost unbelievable. I'm technically mid-20's, which I seldom acknowledge (no longer early 20's). Working. Away from general routines of a student. I used to think I was worn down as a student, stretched at all ends. And then I got thrown into the working life. It would be a lie to say I never expected it. During our graduation ceremony, we had quick exchanges of pleasantries with many people. I remember the lecturer I am closest to telling me, "You know, only one thing is constant". In my hastiness, I said, "God". She said, "Change". Change will always be constant. I spent some time wondering, what is it that really bothers me about my present life? I have started earning, and hence earned financial freedom. I do get to eat, even if it is Hot Cup noodles outside 7 eleven in my car, in the wee hours of the morning, after work! I'm not miserable. There are good days and bad days. I still love them whom I serve, though I may not be good at hiding my irritation with a few of them.... I'm learning to be better at what I do. So again, what is it that bothers me about this present life? I think I know....but I'm not sure I'm coming to terms with it. And yes, she's right. Change is absolutely constant in life!

Sunday, June 3, 2012


February 17 was a long time ago. The hiatus from the blogsphere was obviously unintentional. But much has happened since and I'm not sure where I shall start.

There were the exams, of course. The all-time-finals, which seems ages ago. And the oath taking ceremony. The much hyped-about graduation ball, which a few of us jointly organized at the Palace.

Then there were 2 trips in between; Krabi, Thailand and Cambodia, with different groups of people.

Lots of travelling to KL, because I was so worried my memory cells would die a natural death death due to its poor utilization. I insisted on taking a few teaching sessions in my institution, as a peer tutor to some junior colleagues. Of course, the application for work also came in the way.

Then came the big surprise because I got the much awaited letter. I remember a brief weekend in Penang with my HCF colleagues, losing sleep over the weeks, months and years ahead. I vowed that it will be the only time I did parasailing, until I completed one of the biggest hurdles of an impending career.

Soon enough, I was on my way to Port Dickson for an induction course, with my fellow colleagues (well, most of them anyway). And so it was, we got our postings; 8 of us ending up in Taiping. Somewhere in between, there was a graduation ceremony - or so I think!

Will that do for a summary?

So here I am, on a Sunday evening, in the small quaint town of Taiping. Feeling distant from everyone and everything close to my heart.

I have so much that I want to do; I want to email a few friends, throw a small thanksgiving party, write a few cards....but time is never on my side.

They just become plans. And people close to me have been safely tucked in a closet, to be 'reopened' when I am free....if that ever happens.

Dear friends/family,

You've always been a big part of my life. When I count my blessings, I can't help but thank God for you. Thank you for accepting my frequent yet genuine excuse of being busy. 

I love all of you. The party is over. When there is another one, I will sure to keep you posted!


Friday, February 17, 2012

Faint Recollections....

Every phase of our lives has a representation; a new beginning, a turning point, an end, a transition...whatever...

We are left with memories to cherish, experiences that shape our future choices and regrets that may haunt us time and again....

I remember a prayer made for me, by a friend, who has now gone on to work...

"May she remember that this is just one of the many exams that she will have to endure; and in it all, You will be with her, through and through..."

That was more than 4 years ago...

It's amazing the memories that comes to us at odd times......first it may just seem like a faint recollection of things. As if it were part of a prior thought process. But then it simply stays, refusing to leave until you start thinking a little deeper...

And then we realize these memories were 'sent'...Sent to remind of what we were then and what we are now...

Of forgotten pledges...Of dried tears....Of past prayers and yearnings of the heart...

We then know, while we have forgotten some things....He hasn't.

How wonderful are Your thoughts of me, Oh Lord? Psalm 139